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Thanks for the thought provoking post. I agree 100% that living in recovery takes work,sometimes a lot more work than living in the disease.

I agree also that it's a lever, not a button. Sometimes I exert a hell of a lot more pressure on the lever than others.

I've come to the conclusion that the pressure required for balance is exhausting, you are correct.

For myself, however, I prefer to be exhausted by the exertion of recovery rather than that all encompassing exhaustion (spiritual, emotional and physical) that comes along with living in the disease.


Thanks Julie,
You are right, there are differences in the quality of exhaustion. I'll try to remember that.

Right after I posted this I talked to my old sponsor. She told me it wasn't that the apex shifts, but that we build endurance. That it actually requires increased effort as we work the program, but that we get used to it and perceived effort is less. Not what I wanted to hear, but it makes sense. There just isn't an easy solution. Who needs marathons when we're training for the Iron Man of "normal" life.


I'm brand new to OA (picked up my desire chip last night) and yours is the first blog I've found regarding OA. Congrats on the 99 lbs you have lost! I'm jealous, but it also gives me HOPE!


I definitely relate. No one understands this terror of taking actions -- any actions! Even learning to play piano, anything new is terrifying and everything is new if you're doing it right! Why isn't there a name for this total avoidance and isolation?

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