I weighed in on Saturday and was happy to see four more pounds gone. I have now lost 99 pounds since coming to Overeaters Anonymous. The mind boogles.
I don’t think I wrote a post last time I weighed in. I wrote an email to my sponsor and then couldn’t bring myself to write about it again. I stayed the same last month. It was disappointing, but not surprising. As the weather grew colder and the days shorter my diet became unusually carb-rich and I played with the portion sizes. I felt like nothing would be enough so I choose the biggest, heaviest items from my typical rotation. This included ditching the salad I try to eat for a meal once a day. After weighing in the same last month I got a better balance going, hence the four pounds lost.
I’m quite excited by the number 99. Unless I go bat-shit-crazy I’ll be in the triple digits by New Years. I’m not sure what my goal weight is. I may never get to the ideal number for my height. I think I would be ecstatic to weigh around 160. I’m still way to far away from that and intend to follow a doctor’s advice when the time comes. So, if 160 is my ideal, I’m no longer morbidly obese. Obese, but not morbidly obese. Woo Hoo! It really depends on what calculations are used. Most web sites (of the six or so I just googled) say I should be 122 - 149 pounds.
I’m used to thinking of myself as “large framed” or “big-boned,” but I’m probably average. Before puberty and before I started gaining weight my mom made a big deal about buying me “slim” jeans. Since that was before I got hips I’m pretty sure I’m just plain old medium framed. Wouldn’t that be amazing? To be average and blend in with the crowd would be awesome. This brings me to program. Through the steps I’m learning humility. I no longer need to be the best or the worst. I can simply be and know that I am one of many, no better or worse than others. It will be nice when my body become average too.
I haven’t posted much at either of my blogs lately. I screwed up my brain chemistry getting the Halloween costumes ready in time and have been in relapse depression. The good news is that I recognized the symptoms quite early and sought help. Before OA I never recognized my depression until I hit rock bottom and then it was too hard to ask for help. This time I called to make an earlier appointment even though my regular visit was less than a week away. My Welbutrin dosage was increased and I should feel better as early as Wednesday.
I wish Dr. L would stop freaking me out about the potential side-effect of seizures. I’m also not fond of the strange sensations in my brain that occur during dosage changes. Like a headache, but unaffected by OTC remedies. I feel off balance, but just slightly and my head feels two sizes larger. But this is normal for me when Dr. L tweaks my meds. Unpleasant as it is, he seems to know what he’s doing so I’ll just turn that over.
Wow 99, that is terrific! You have every right to be excited. What a gift.
I enjoy reading about your healthy outlook about your accomplishments thus far. It is great that you recognize and embrace them without ego getting in the way. It appears that you are remaining open to growth, how wonderful is that!
Posted by: Sober Chick | November 16, 2007 at 02:18 PM
Thanks SC! It's great to have you back.
Posted by: Dodi | November 19, 2007 at 09:58 PM
Hey you! Just caught up with this now (sorry it's been so long)... I got thrown for a loop when I took a suggestion by my new sponsor to attend an AlAnon meeting... similar depression relapse type stuff going on here.. but crawling out of it now....I am grateful to know about your recovery because I know "it works if you work it"...
Posted by: Elaine | December 08, 2007 at 07:07 AM
That is amazing! I've been on my own OA journey for 17 months now and let me just say that the promises DO come true. As long as you use your plan of eating, go to meetings, pick up the phone, and work the steps, you will have physical recovery. Thanks for your blog. I'm so glad we're doing this together.
Posted by: April M. | November 26, 2008 at 02:06 PM
Well I'm a lost soul looking for inspiration. Thank you for your blog. About 6 years ago, I was an OA 30 day wonder (kept my abstinence until day 45 when my doctor said my 20 pounds wasn't good enough) and kept going a year after for support. But then left the rooms after I moved. I haven't gone since and I dread all the work and a sponsor I have to keep in touch with. But I can't do it alone. Wish I could make up my mind. Thanks for inspiring me to make up my mind!
Posted by: Jacks | April 04, 2009 at 09:42 PM