Wednesday was my second abstinence anniversary. It was mostly a very good day. I’m proud of myself for not eating sweets for two years now. I’m proud that I have stuck to a plan of eating for so long. The plan has changed over time and I haven’t been perfect, but the consistency in my eating is miraculous.
I’ve been thinking about how my life has changed. It has literally been years now since I’ve binge shopped. Small 24 hour pharmacy stores, like Walgreen’s, were my binge-food one-stop shops. They’re perfect for it. They carry all the major binge food groups. It is easy to get in and out quickly. They are open 24 hours a day. I rarely run into anyone I know there.
When I think about it I get a knot in my gut. I would pace from living room to kitchen while convincing myself I needed to go shopping and then deciding that I wouldn’t this time. Sometimes I would get dressed, then undress, then dress again and put my coat on, then sit down to watch TV. I would spend hours trying to resist the urge. Occasionally I succeeded, but mostly I ended up driving to Walgreen’s late at night, furious with myself. Once there I would always buy more candy, nuts, chips, beef jerky, ice cream, etc. than I intended to. Sometimes I bought some “necessity” that I had used as an excuse to go out. Usually I would buy enough food to eat myself sick that night, and still have plenty to start in again when I woke up.
Sometimes I miss the food items or the freedom to eat what I want, when I want it. But I do not miss that restless misery. Thank you to everyone in the OA fellowship, I could not do it without you. My life keeps getting better the longer I work this program.
Congrats on your two years! What a blessing and miracle to have two years and not need to go there one day at a time.
Posted by: Kathy | September 23, 2007 at 06:35 PM
You are an inspiration ((((Kelly)))) If it is my HP's will for me, Jan 26th will be my two year anniversary as well. My abstinence has not been always perfect, but I have stuck to 3-0-1 and have not touched any item on my poisonous food list.
'Thought' Would you want to go with me to get a tatoo on that day? I really want one of a butterfly. My perception of the butterfly is freedom and that is a gift from my HP that I am most grateful for. "Freedom of mind, body & spirit" BTW 1/26/08 is on a Saturday. :)
Posted by: odat4dawn | September 25, 2007 at 03:53 AM
"Sometimes I bought some “necessity” that I had used as an excuse to go out."
i did that too. sometimes i would buy things i already had like deodorant b/c i figured that was an acceptable item to buy at 3am. can't be funky. i've been to my 24hr walgreens so much i have to travel to other ones or a cvs b/c i can recognize the tellers. i appreciate you sharing your recovery. i am just beginning this oa thing and have 100+ lbs to lose. to see that it can be done is encouraging.
Posted by: Lady t | December 21, 2007 at 12:35 AM