Surrender of bread as side or meal

I'm doing much much better this week. I surrendered bread as a side or main course of meals after my Tuesday night meeting. My sponsor was there. She has only attended that meeting twice in the two years I've been going.  (Is it odd? Or is it god?)  I shared first and I think it went something like this, "So bread, step one is good. Bread. Bread Bread. Bread fucking bread with butter. Help!" Then I shut up and listened to what some saner people had to say. By the end of the meeting I was ready to do whatever it takes for recovery again.

I was still afraid my sponsor would suggest cutting all refined flour, but I was willing to do it if she said I should. She didn't. She asked what I was struggling with. I am not eating sides of bread (rolls, bread, crackers) or as a meal. I've avoided a few places where it might be too tempting, but it's been pretty easy since I made the decision to surrender it.

Surrender has been popping up all over the place for me. My morning prayers have been truncated too. Pretty much boiling down to, "I surrender. All of me. Whatever it takes." Too much structure equals too much thought right now.

Funnily, within a day of giving up bread I felt thinner and healthier.

I have been indulging in fantasy as escape lately. Haven't been this obsessed since my Vin Diesel kick a few years back. I've talked about it a bit with OA people and so it's fading faster than usual. It can't be coincidence that I get obsessively compulsive about Chris Eccleston the day after I surrender bread. (Chris is the 9th Doctor Who and lovely in a  lanky, intense British way.) I've added most everything available on Netflix and bought the 2005 series of Doctor Who. I'm grateful for Netflix. In the Vin Diesel days I bought everything, including a collection of short films that features a self-made story that brought him to the attention of Spielberg.

So a minor indulgence in fantasy (should it be a destination wedding do you think?) to get through the uncomfortable changes in my food plan seems okay. I haven't mentioned it to my sponsor. I probably should.

My excellent mood may also be related to my decision to take next week off work. A nine day vacation sounds lovely.

Comments

[Sarah]

Surrender. So so so hard. I try every day.

I found this a few days ago, what do you think?

"Suffering is nothing but resistance to God.
The more you resist, the more you suffer.
Once you surrender to God, there is no struggle, there is no resistance, there is no suffering."

-- Don Miguel Ruiz

I'm glad you are feeling better. And I had to laugh about your Vin Diesel obsession, I had one too a few years ago. Mrowr!

Sarah

[Gwen]

It is hard to surrender the bread. But once you do it and give in, didn't it seem easier than you thought? This is what surprised me. I don't really miss it. Plus I can see more clearly the bad effects of eating it.

“Looking up gives light, although at first it makes you dizzy.”
~ Mevlana Rumi

[Sober Chick]

What helps me is to surrender something for an amount of time. For instance this january I stopped drinking coffee. I loooove coffee, the smell, it early in the morning, the warm feeling when sipped. I made an aggreement with myself to stop drinking it for a month, just try it. After a month I could drink it again. Somehow this type of processing worked, and I still don't drink coffee. :)

Of course this is all not me thank goodness for that! That is a lot for one to take on, surrendering it all to our HP is a relief. It is such a huge job I would not want the responsibility.

[Sarah]

Hi -- just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm going to my first OA meeting tonight. Unless I chicken out.