I think I've mentioned that I'm reading the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in the morning and before bed. I'm getting a lot from it. I finished reading step seven this morning. I've got to make sure my sponsees read this book. The OA 12 & 12 is wishy-washy compared to AA 12 & 12. Sure it's nice to read specific COE examples, but I don't remember anything so blunt as this. From Step 7 (emphasis mine):
"Character-building through suffering might be all right for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us. Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life."
In every case? This is comforting in a way. I've been in plenty of pain as a direct result of working the steps. I wasn't expecting it, I wouldn't have volunteered for it, but it has resulted in growth because I did not use over it. Suffering sucks, but because of OA the suffering ends. I don't think I've ever pushed through the pain of anything before. I used food to numb myself, therefore the pain was just shoved down with the junk food and festered.
After taking step five I was miserable. I discovered that I was mentally and physically abused by my parents. My world turned upside-down. I could not function. I called my sponsor in pain and told her I could not handle it. She told me to push through it. The pain would end if I let myself feel it. If I ate over it I would just have to live through it again later. I trusted her. I used the tools and I lived with the pain. She was right. In a few months I felt balanced again. Now I find myself more sensitive to abusive actions of others. But I'm not in that self-centered, fragile place anymore. Plus I can share with people that they probably will experience pain working the steps, but I can assure them that it does get better.
I'm really grateful for Overeaters Anonymous and for the experience, strength and hope that I've heard from others.
I was going to write about another passage, but I have to go to a meeting.
Wowsers that is something very powerful from the 12x12. I read step 1 yesterday, and am hearing all sorts of messages.
From all of my heart, thank you for checking in on me and giving your love and support. How it means so much to me.
Thank goodness for sponsorship. Moreover, it is wonderful that you took your sponsors suggestions. :)
Posted by: Sober Chick | April 14, 2007 at 09:23 PM