« Up is down, black is white | Main | Comfortably numb »



For me, the ability to gently review the issues of the past through sane, abstinent eyes is one of the many gifts of recovery. But there is nothing easy about this process. Like you, I entered this through writing my fourth step and sharing my fifth step. Another coincidence that we share is that the anniversary of my father’s death was right before I did my fifth step, and I know (from your blog) that you commemorated your mom’s passing on May Day.

What I found especially difficult was my sponsor’s directive: “easy does it.” How could he expect me to change gears like that! For the previous two steps I had been working on “fearless and searching”! Building an arch to walk through a free man was a result of complete and fearless honesty. For these steps, for me, “easy” definitely did not “do it.” I found it difficult to take these revelations (of both new and intentionally buried emotions) and put them on a “shelf”. This is a foreign discipline to me. But I learned over time to develop this ability through the clarity provided by my abstinence. This was absolutely crucial for me to keep from derailing my program.

Thank you for your courage to share this painful and difficult process. I have been struggling with blogging about my own “origin” issues. You have given me hope and re-affirmed the importance of this task which I will begin soon.


The comments to this entry are closed.