I forgot to have kids

I turn 39 in 7 days. It’s kind of fucking with my head. Suddenly I’m coming up with things I ought to do before I turn 40. It’s like diet-math but with a bigger scope. Here are some of the things that I probably won’t do, but think I ought to before I turn forty in 372 days:

• Plan an awesome vacation to celebrate turning 40 (Italy, UK, Peru, Greece and the Grand Canyon are potential locations)
• Lose 50+ pounds
• Participate in NaNoWriMo this year
• Sell my condo and buy a house
• Rededicate my life to Christ (Ha! Just Kidding!)
• Fall in love, get married and have a baby

Crappy biological clock, WTF? I found myself planning my imaginary wedding yesterday while driving. I’ve had urges to buy wedding magazines just for fun. I am not someone who has been planning a wedding since I was 10. Up until a few years ago I didn’t think I ever wanted to get married at all. Now suddenly I’m wondering what to do about catering because so many of my friends are in OA with me? “What about a cake? I can’t eat cake. Why would we serve cake if the bride can’t eat it?” Seriously folks, this is disturbing me. Even when contemplating hypothetical marriage, I always assumed elopement was the way to go. Now it seems like a great reason to throw a party. Many of my friends have had great weddings; I guess I’m more open to the possibilities.

All this overlooks the fact that I haven’t dated, well, ever. Hook up with drunken friends? Yep. Fall head over heals with a friend? Sure. Make sort of dates, but maybe we’re just hanging out, but never mind he got wasted at happy hour and isn’t coming over now? You bet! It’s mostly hopeless crushes and painful delusions in my past. Certainly there is no man in my life now. I’m still way too crazy to even think about dating. But now I have this perception of a deadline and I’m slightly crazier than usual.

Also, what does one do with the craziness that is a blog archive when one meets someone? Certainly no potential mate could be allowed to read them until there is some sort of binding contract in place. Right? Right. Especially the nut job posts like this one. Yikes.

Don’t worry about me though; I’m sure I’ll be fine in just over 12 months. Then I can start listing all the things I have to do before I hit fifty.

Comments

[Karen]

Ok, I'm definitely biased, but I've been having an awesome mid-life crisis. I feel like I'm hitting my stride and finally figuring out what makes me happy. On paper it looks kind of sketchy: shacked up, working sporadically, flitting around the world on various vacations, but I'm loving it.
As for the married with kids thing, well, it's not for everyone. There are women I work with who don't hide their jealousy over my lifestyle - they don't seem to be in love with their husbands and feel like their kids are a burden. I think that's incredibly sad. It's not easy to choose a path when you're in your 20's, and the married with kids path is the popular choice, but probably a mistake for many people.
So get cracking on that list! You can easily plan an awesome vacation - I learned to scuba dive and went diving for mine - no regrets on that one!
Whatever you plan, do it regardless of weight loss. I vote for keeping the condo - you're in a great location. A house is a ton of work - it will chew up all of your free time and cash. As for the wedding - if you think of how much it costs - tens of thousands of dollars - you could quit your job and travel for a year for that kind of cash. Which would you choose? I know my answer.
Quit reading bridal mags - buy More magazine - it has a much better attitude about living life in your 40s.

[shannon]

love the wit, love the words. wanna get married eventually. simple recipe. people over complicate it. 1) know what kind of person you want: physical, emotional, spiritual 2) know what kind of person the person that you want..wants 3)be that person or 4)settle for something less on #1.