And the crazy train goes on and on

I recommitted to abstinent food plan last week. The usual stuff:

• No sweets*
• Three meals a day, nothing in between
• No bread as a meal

There are some new specifics, things I've been "getting away with" lately:

• No Wheat Thins
• No sugar-free Jell-o
• No sugar-free pudding
• No potato chips and dip (I could eat chips out as part of a meal, but no more snacking)
• No Colonial Cafe corn bread with honey butter (D'oh! How did that slip back in?)

The first few days were rough. Suddenly everything on the list above called out to me. I thought at first about the irony of it; as soon as I can't have it I want it more than anything. But really, there is no irony there. While I was ignoring my food plan I didn't deny myself any of those items. Want became Have without any debate or struggle. I was oblivious to the cravings.

After a few days of white knuckling it the cravings went away. I prayed and called and did anything other than eat. Then I didn't notice when the cravings ended. Tuesday night I worked until 8:30pm. I thought about stopping for dinner or grocery shopping on my way home. I was too tired, so I decided to eat something at home. I decided on a frozen dinner because I could get it over with the quickest. I could cook and eat it and get it out of the way.

Then I almost decided not to eat dinner at all and realized this was not normal thinking for me. My first thought after that was that I must be ill. I wasn't hungry and didn't care what I ate or even if I ate, therefore I must be very sick and probably dying. Instead of being thankful the the compulsion was temporarily lifted I jumped to the most dramatic conclusion. Then I laughed at myself and ate my damn dinner because that is part of my plan too. Three meals a day, no more and no less. 

* No sweets is a no brainer and required for any semblance of sanity. It is such a given that I don't think about it anymore. Without it I don't go to work and live on DQ dairy treats. It has been a few months since my last sugar binge.

Comments

[Julie]

Hurray! When the compulsion is lifted it is like the weight of the world off my shoulders.

Your 'no sugar-free jello' and 'no sugar-free pudding' has given me something to think about.
Chips and dip have been gone a long time as I have a greater addiction to salt and fat than sugar.

My biggest struggle is portion size. If I don't weigh and measure at home I am in big trouble. If I'm in a restaurant I automatically pack up half the meal.

Thanks for the 'food for thought'...