Powerless and unmanageable? You bet. Tough week, but hopefully I'm closer to true humility because of it. I wanted to just write a quick update and now that I've started I'm not sure what I want to share.
I spent a good deal of time last week in pain. I followed some suggestions and learned that although I felt like I was getting the crap kicked out of me and that "people" were mad at me, it was not truth. I made a list of people in my life and not one of them is. The only one beating me up and hating on me is me.
This is so simple, yet shocking to me. A major ah-ha moment.
I'm also wrong about so many things. The farther I go off the 12 step path the more lies I tell myself and believe with all my heart.
For today I will ask for help and run any ideas or theories I come up with past my sponsor. I'm also working hard to stay god-conscience throughout the day. My shower wall is again covered with reminders to pray and what I should pray for. Help and grace.