Not alone anymore

I just had a minor ah-ha moment. I was mentally writing a blog post. (I’m pretty sure I did this before I had a blog too. I carefully craft the story in the foreground while furiously editing in the background. I’m not sure who my audience was pre-blog, but I don’t think it was me.) I was telling the story of how terrified I am at the thought of dating and how a conversation this weekend had challenged my perspective.* While deciding which blog to post to I questioned whether this was program-crazy or normal-crazy. This is a huge change from my pre-program days. Before OA I assumed that all my craziness was uniquely mine. Now I ask whether it is addict specific or if most people feel this way.

Now I find myself asking other program people of things are normal. I learned while sharing my fifth step that much I knew to be true was not. I don't question every feeling, thought and action like it did in the aftermath, but I don't assume I know what's normal anymore.

I am growing out of my terminal uniqueness and I’m thrilled.

*A poker buddy just ended a long-term relationship and was talking about the dates he has setup through a singles site. I said something about how hard it must be and he said no, he was quite enjoying himself. What? Dating can be fun? Really? I’m so freaked out about how crazy I’m likely to be in any attempted relationship and what an ass I’ve been before in any romantic endeavor that I’ve forgotten that it is supposed to be fun. D'oh!

Comments

[Katy]

Hey Dodi!

You are SO not alone... I completely understand. I've been questioning my thinking a lot too - and it makes sense that I can't always trust my thinking because I don't think I'd be an addict if I could (ahh profound huh?! ;O). So I'm left with going to HP when I'm not sure - Which isn't such a bad thing I'm finding out (wink wink) He NEVER steers me wrong!

I've also just started reading some Louise L. Hay stuff... She was “The Secret” before The Secret came out (have you heard of The Secret?)... Well anyways it really makes sense to me that my thoughts create my future. The only reason I bring it up is because it would make sense too that shifting thoughts about dating over to only good thoughts... Like for example… Dating is FABULOUS and fun and easy and things will work out great and I'll meet a great guy (perhaps even Doctor #10??) and that I too am a great catch... and... and... (fill in the blank for what you want) Does that make any sense at all?

I just saw this powerful way of thinking work in my life today in regards to my business... We've been really slow, like 3 jobs a week where we're used to doing 3 jobs a DAY!! SO last night I pictured my appointment book being completely filled in with a ton of work and told my friends that we've been really busy. Heck if I don't have a completely filled up week next week! I'm not even kidding... It's amazing! God wants us to live the most abundant wonderful life we can imagine for ourselves. So I say let's go get em!!! WHOOHOOO!!!

[Dodi]

Thanks Katy!

I was given a copy of The Secret, but I haven't read it yet. I haven't heard of Hay.

Funny what you said about Doctor #10, I've been thinking that I'm probably in love with Russel T. Davies not Eccelston or Tennant. Which makes me think, "Too bad Russel is gay." Because certainly that fact is the only thing which keeps us apart ;) Isn't fandom weird.

Re: "...and that I too am a great catch..." That's why all my fantasies take place a couple years from now. In fantasy world that is enough time to become the ideal me. The me that could take famous strangers home with me knowing that all my dishes are washed and the bathrooms are sparkling. That me that will be doing all the crafty projects and athletic endeavors I don't have the energy to do now. Funny brain.

I know positive thought works. Prayer is my positive thought.