I've been struggling with getting to work at the expected time for years now. I've prayed for the willingness to be willing, I've tried to turn it over to HP. I've had sporadic success. I'm struggling and wailing and moaning. I'm starting to see that I am the same as those who are struggling with their food week after week. I was getting frustrated listening to it. "Stop talking about it and do it," I thought. Stop struggling and just let it go. Hard to see it until it's done. Impossible to describe.
When a friend challenged me to really use all the tools to get to work on time I resisted. In that moment I knew I was not really willing to let that behavior go. I still like enough about it that I am not willing to work to change it. Just like with food, I want to get the benefits of abstinence without changing anything in my life.
I need to take definite actions to change this behavior. I need to use all the tools and work the steps on this. I know that when I do, the changes will happen. I know it. I've seen it. It scares me. As miserable as I am, I can't quite comprehend life without it. Before I stopped eating sweets I thought life without sugar would not be worth living. I knew that was crazy, but it felt true. I did it anyway. I surrendered the sweets. That was over two years ago. I've now lived through three Halloweens without candy; each year better than the last.
HP, please give my the willingness and ability to surrender all my shortcomings which stand between me and grace.