I wrote this today and submitted it to my intergroup newsletter, but wanted to share it here too:
I just had a wonderful reminder of my life before program. It is 3:48pm and I was in the lunch room making herbal tea. A man at the vending machine sighed loudly and said, “This machine is the bane of my existence.” I laughed and said that I no longer look directly at it. He put his money in and replied, “I just happened to walk by and I’m having a rough day.” I remembered the countless times I stood there choosing my own poison. Sometimes I felt shame because I was breaking a diet; mostly I was beyond shame or thinking and just looking for my next fix. I was tempted to share that I no longer eat between meals, so the machine isn't a problem for me anymore. I certainly would not choose to make a meal out of the few sugar-free selections offered. Instead I just smiled and walked away. I am grateful that I have no relationship with that vending machine today.