Trusting HP and the steps

I feel like I'm distanced from recovery right now. I skipped my Sunday night meeting to attend a BBQ with some high school friends. I told my sponsor and a few others that I would not be there, but it felt odd at 5pm not to be sitting in that slightly moldy basement around a kid-height table covered with glitter and goo. I had a very nice time with my friends, but it was outside my routine.

I haven't been getting very many calls and I haven't made many. I know I rely too much on others calling me. I get out of the habit. I'm glad there is a meeting tonight.

Ninety-three pounds lost feels really good. I still don't have a good sense of how big I am compared to others. I'm more present in my body since I was a kid, but I now feel smaller than I am. It's all very confusing. I'm wearing a faux-suede jacket today that I bought when I lost 80-some pounds in WW. It was still too small this spring, which is weird because I've shrunk out of so much other stuff from that time. It still feels snug in the shoulders. I cannot remember if it fit snug when I got it. I suppose it doesn't really matter, but it bothers me.

My weight is slowly and steadily decreasing, but I still expect more dramatic changes as I transition seasonal clothing. Sigh. Yet it is nice to believe that come summer again if my clothes do not fit it will be because it is too big. I must continue to work the steps and use the tools of OA. I know beyond doubt that this works.

Comments

[Dodi]

This comment was emailed to me from Dawn. She couldn't comment. I hope that isn't a problem for other people too.

From Dawn:
Great Share (((Kelly)))
Your share has me reflecting on my own body image. At this point I am getting in touch with my body every day. I don't feel like the smallest, but what is great is I don't feel like the biggest for the first time in as long as I can remember. Clothing fits better and I actually enjoy getting dressed. Before I only got dressed when I absolutely had to leave the house and got back into my "house" clothes immediately upon entering my home. Now I look for reasons to go out to get dressed and I am not so rushed to derobe. Mirror imagery is becoming less and less like the enemy and what is beginning to stand out most to me is a new light in my eyes and a relaxed jawline. I am so greatful for my progressive recovery, but more importantly is the unfamiliar peace of mind and consistent contentment I am feeling these days.
Keep on Keepin' on. One day at a time.
PS: This blog is great and I have been poking around the ones you have listed. What a exciting world this is when in recovery.
Love, Peace & Friendship,
Dawn