I feel like I'm distanced from recovery right now. I skipped my Sunday night meeting to attend a BBQ with some high school friends. I told my sponsor and a few others that I would not be there, but it felt odd at 5pm not to be sitting in that slightly moldy basement around a kid-height table covered with glitter and goo. I had a very nice time with my friends, but it was outside my routine.
I haven't been getting very many calls and I haven't made many. I know I rely too much on others calling me. I get out of the habit. I'm glad there is a meeting tonight.
Ninety-three pounds lost feels really good. I still don't have a good sense of how big I am compared to others. I'm more present in my body since I was a kid, but I now feel smaller than I am. It's all very confusing. I'm wearing a faux-suede jacket today that I bought when I lost 80-some pounds in WW. It was still too small this spring, which is weird because I've shrunk out of so much other stuff from that time. It still feels snug in the shoulders. I cannot remember if it fit snug when I got it. I suppose it doesn't really matter, but it bothers me.
My weight is slowly and steadily decreasing, but I still expect more dramatic changes as I transition seasonal clothing. Sigh. Yet it is nice to believe that come summer again if my clothes do not fit it will be because it is too big. I must continue to work the steps and use the tools of OA. I know beyond doubt that this works.