I've been thinking a lot about integrity lately. I was thinking about it before this post at Angry Fat Girlz, but that helped refine it, focus it in my head. I'm seeing clear consequences of not acting with integrity lately. I only seem to struggle with food choices when I've not done what I ought in other areas.
Since taking step seven I've thought about living with grace a lot. The removal of each one of my character defects results in grace. Take away procrastination, grace. Relieve me of perfectionism, grace. Accepting I cannot control most everything in my life, grace. So if grace is what is left in the absence of my shortcomings, I don't want to fuck it up, but I do need to take actions.I want to act with intentional integrity.
I have trouble getting out of bed most days. I binge on the snooze alarm. Last night I recorded a message to myself on my cell phone alarm. I reminded myself that getting out of bed at 8am is acting with integrity and that I didn't act with integrity on Friday and it made me feel like shit. The solution to that isn't to stay in bed again today and wallow in it. It is to get up and do what I need to today so that I don't feel shitty and maybe it will be just a little bit easier tomorrow. I did get out of bed at 8. It felt good, even though I didn't want to do it.
There are so many opportunities throughout the day to live in grace and integrity. I've got a lot more in my head about it, but it isn't translating into words this morning. For today it is enough.