Someone just told me I’m an OA rock star; that I’ve got this program thing figured out. After a brief moment of pleasure, I thanked them and said they were wrong. I’m doing well and I am working my program, but maybe I’m sharing too much hope and strength at meetings? I do share struggles, but lately what comes out is that life is pretty good and I’m happy. I pray to be useful before I share, so I don’t want to start second guessing myself.
I think this is why my sponsor told be to make sure I reach out to non-sponsees the more sponsees I get. She said it’s easy to become an OA queen. I didn’t think I was doing that, in fact I was a bit defensive about it. This tells me I need to listen and take her suggestions. I’m glad I give people hope, but I’m no better or worse than anyone else in the rooms.
I worked a sixth and seventh step on Sunday afternoon. It was cool. I’m not sure how helpful it was to her, but I got a lot out of it. Ideas are become more solid in my head and heart. My character defects separate me from my HP and make it difficult to take loving actions in all areas of my life. The absence of these shortcomings allows my live with grace. Pretty much the opposite of each of my defects is grace. I was positively sappy yesterday. My heart was full.
And yet, I’m still having a bread problem and I’ve been on step eight for almost a year. I’m following my food plan, but my thinking is not sane when a sandwich is an option. If I was entirely ready to do whatever it takes I’d be talking this over with my sponsor. I have not done so; even though I saw her last night at a meeting. I am not a rock star. I am one bite away from losing the serenity I’ve worked so hard to find.