I decided to take the second offer instead of waiting for the potential other position to open. To clarify, I took the offer made to me on Wednesday not the one I've been trying to get since early December.
In the end it was simple. The promotion and money are the same, each position has similar pros and cons, and both will be easier to perform if I shift my core working hours to start at 8am. I choose to work with the people I know and trust. My direct supervisor is the most level-headed man I've ever worked with. His boss is the one who offered the position. I've worked with him sporadically for about six years. I was staffed on his team right before my depression got so bad I couldn't function and to a three month leave of absence. He knows what I am capable of—good and bad—and wants to work with me anyway.
I'll have to go through the same HR process, apply for position, interview, wait, wait some more. But the job is mine. The HR process is a formality.
Did I mention I prayed like a madwoman about this? I did. I prayed for the right choice to become more appealing. I prayed to not make a choice based on ego. I talked with people. The loving choice quickly became clear.
At meeting last night we talked about step two. Learning to trust my higher power and go to HP in all things is not a comfortable process for me. It's taken a lot of practice. It was good to be reminded that I can forget about the religious doctrines and doubts and act as-if when I need to. That it is up to me to take loving action also jumped out at me.
I did a quick forth step inventory of someone involved with the frustrating wait at work. It turned it over to my sponsor. She said I still have some work to do there, but I have less bitterness than I was starting to have. Writing down my resentments and then figuring out what my part in it was therapeutic.
I weighed myself last week. I am the same. No weight loss or gain in February. So it is definitely time to change my food plan. I find this terrifying. I've been eating the same for a while now. I need to continue losing weight, but I'm resistant to changing my portions or choice of food. I want to continue eating large portions of whatever I want (within my abstinence) but I want to lose weight while doing it. I ate over it this weekend. I slipped on Saturday by eating an extra roll. I also rewarded (comforted) myself on Friday morning with a second McD breakfast sandwich. Both of these things are breaks of my abstinence. I have reported the roll but not the McD to my sponsor. I'll have to come clean about both. These are very dangerous choices for me. I must stay abstinent to maintain the sanity I've found in OA.