Holiday drama

Yesterday my sister called to un-invite me to spend the night Christmas Eve. I dumped on CB yesterday. I was hurt and angry. I cried. I speculated how long I've been unwanted. I wondered if my BIL didn't want me there. I saw my therapist (previously scheduled) who, after seeing me for ten years, is completely unable to be rational about my sister. She says my sister is mean, just like my mom was. We brainstormed about how a grown-up would handle the situation, but couldn't really come up with the answer. Luckily my sponsor was unfazed and had some great advise.

Her main point was that this isn't about me. She said that when people change in the program, family members react. She is the only one that said I shouldn't tell her how much she hurt me. She also advised me to take the high road. To bring my stocking over anyway. She also invited me to come over after the meeting Sunday to watch the Bears game with a bunch of people at her house. Another OA friend asked me to come to dinner with her.

I spent a miserable evening crying and a lousy restless night. I prayed for my sister.

This morning my sister called me at work to re-invite me. When she told her husband what she had done, my BIL got mad and told me to call her back. So she did. I told her she hurt me. She explained that they had a fight yesterday and she thought she could reduce stress by kicking me out. I don't think she really understands how hurtful her actions were, but she apologized and I accepted.

I'm spending the night there as originally planned. I'm not sure she really wants me there. Next year I'll probably make plans of my own and just go to her house in the morning. But that's next year. I don't have to plan that far ahead. I was tempted to stay away to be spiteful, but that hurts me more than anyone.

I thought about food a lot last night. Chocolate and comfort foods. But I stuck to my food plan and I'm glad I did. I'm quite possibly the sanest person in my family right now. Weird.

Happy Holidays!

Comments

[julie yeshnowski]

Wow!

I'm sorry your sister treated you so poorly. I agree with your therapist she IS mean.

Sounds like you have a wonderful sponsor and OA friends.

Whenever I've had a rough time in my life I've found I could depend on my program friends much more so than anyone else. They've always been there for me.

I hope you have a Happy Holiday!

I enjoy reading your blog and am grateful that you share your experience, strength and hope with me.

[Dodi]

I had a great holiday. Thanks for reading and commenting.

[EMLB]

Hi, I know this happened, like a month ago. I find when stuff like this happens to me, often it is not so much the other person rejecting me as being so completely self absorbed in their own crap that they don't think about how their actions are affecting you. I had a situation with my dad, that I had to give feedback to him on (your behavior hurt me)and then turn his reaction and future behavior over to HP. Before recovery, I would spend all this time strategizing about how to handle these situations.... makes me think of the promises: "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us"...