On the advice of my sponsor I did not prepare notes or think too much about what I would say. This made me very uncomfortable. I prayed right before I spoke to turn it over. My inner critic popped up about seven minutes in. So I paused again and prayed. I did this a few times before I finished.
I’m not happy with what I said, I’m more articulate when I can edit and tweak. I feel like I rambled too much into non-program areas and did not leave enough time to share the positives. There are so many things I wanted to say, but forgot. After the meeting everyone said it was good, but I didn’t really believe them. My sponsor said that is normal and that she’s sure I did fine. She said she has never heard an interesting speaker that used notes. She asked if I spoke from my heart. I did, or at least I tried.
I went into isolation mode right after the meeting. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I barely spoke with anyone. I even neglected to return a call from an OA friend. Again, my sponsor said this is normal. Luckily it rarely occurs to me to skip a meeting. The Sunday evening meeting got me out of my funk.
My sponsor asked who the speaking was for and reminded me that it is for me. Just like sponsoring, speaking is to help me. I wish I knew that before. I might not have worried so much about doing it right and helping others. Maybe.
I’m glad it is over.