I'm just starting to use the telephone as a program tool. I seem to be settling in to my OA program with more trust and confidence. It feels so much like my yoga practice. Now that I've built some strength and some muscle memory of certain poses I feel like I can settle in and explore the poses more. Like down-ward facing dog.
When I had my first practice and Sarah told me down-ward facing dog was a resting pose I thought she was crazy. Now I understand it. I can get into it pretty easily and I've figured out how to breath into my upper chest now (I could never get a good breath in the pose at first). So I'm comfortable there and can feel my way deeper by pushing my heals closer to the floor and my hips back.
I feel like my OA program is similar. I know the basics, my abstinence is stable right now, I look forward to my two meetings a week and I'm starting to call my sponsor more often. I'm comfortable. I'm working step four to start cleaning up my past. I trust the program. Suddenly a tool that was awkward and scary, feels natural and right. When something is bothering me my first thought is to call my sponsor or another OA. And then I act on that impulse.
I had a very upsetting call from the head of HR today. Everything is going to be fine, but for about twenty minutes I was scared I might get fired because of a paperwork issue. When the call ended I was no longer afraid, but still horribly upset. I grabbed my cell phone and called all the numbers I had for my sponsor. She didn't answer so I left messages and called my therapist. She and I talked for a while. I felt better. I hung up and called a friend (Note to self, add more OA people to my programed numbers) I felt even better.
Then my sponsor called me back. We talked. She said this is part of my amends. I said it was scary. She said it was okay. Sometimes it is scary, but that it is just a feeling. That when this is over I will be right with the world and be better than when I began.
Now I feel fine, mentally exhausted, but fine. I'm grateful I have people I'm willing to call for help. I'm glad I have a yoga class to attend tonight. I can let go of any stress I'm still holding and head into my weekend with no work baggage.