Chicken Butt

And the sun burns into your eyes

I bought a little painting of a lemon at a fine arts fair this weekend. It is a reverse painting on glass and a bit modern compared to rest of my kitchen paintings, but since is mounted on a black plaque it looks fine. Except that the colors are muddy. I didn’t notice it in the booth because all his work was in the same palate, but compared to the bright primary colors in most of the other works it looks drab. I almost bought an apple and pear too. I’m glad I didn’t. It would probably look okay on the wall over the piano if I can get over my OCD instinct that puts all the produce in one room.

I really should take down all my art and redistribute it better. There are a lot of things I should do in my condo. There are paint swatches taped to my walls for about four years now. And my head ran off into the billion big and little things I have not done at home. Gah!

I stayed up way too late last night (um, this morning) reading Killing Floor. It’s the first Jack Reacher book from Lee Child. It’s pretty good. It’s actually the second one I read. I downloaded Persuader, the eighth book in the series, for free and then bought the first and started reading without even a bathroom break. According to Child’s website there are thirteen Jack Reacher books at present. (And I Don’t Know is on third.) I finished the book at lunch today and just bought number three on Amazon. So when I turn on the wireless on my kindle I’ll have the book to start reading at dinner. The battery lasts so much longer without wireless on all the time. Not sure why I was so reluctant to turn it off before. It is only three clicks to toggle it on and off.

I've also decided if I even need to do a cover of a song or use a song to illustrate a movie it must be TheThe's That was the Day. Just so you know.

Stop drop and roll

Fear de-motivates me. My fight or flight default response is flight. My mind flees reality and I go to ground. What is that frozen state of prey called? The inability to act in paralyzed hope that if you don’t move the predator won’t see you.

Yesterday I had trouble getting to work again. When I arrived late I found that several coworkers in an adjacent group were laid off. I vowed to never be late again. My actions of course fell short. I got here at 8:45 this morning. This is not horrible, but my self-declared (and heavily recommended) arrival time is 8:30. I found out about 15 more layoffs in another group today.

Both groups to lay people off are former organizations of mine. I left one group when the tech developers were restructured into tech-only orgs separate from content. A couple years ago I transferred with a promotion into my current group.

While fear debilitates one part of my head and another part still does not believe it could happen to me. Sure I’ve been here 12 years, but so have some of the people let go this week. Good news is that my group’s pipeline appears much fuller than the other groups and we’ve already cut onshore resources close to the bone.

I should immerse myself in the detailed work I have on my plate now. I have time to concentrate on it and no one in need of supervision for about a week. (Having a meaty task I can sink my teeth into without keeping a dozen other tasks flowing through India and Argentina is a luxury.) Instead I’m wandering around the building and the internet aimlessly. How do I learn discipline?
I think the only way to learn discipline is to take disciplined action consistently. My immobility in the face of stress makes this a catch-22 loop of inaction. So far my actions have been:

• spurts of productivity on my task
• wandering, in cyber and meat space
• writing this post
• whispered conversations as names of those sacrificed become known
• worrying

Average lifespan of Canada Geese: 24 years

It is time for me to start eating like a grown up. This includes cooking, not reheating frozen servings of my favorite carbs, but actual combining of ingredients into more than the some of their parts. I want food synergy. Of course, to cook I need clean vessels and counter space. Which are both in short supply in my home. Also, a clear kitchen table and at least one chair would be nice.

I realized yesterday that I had moved all my kitchen chairs into my dining room months ago in a frenzy of activity that left me a pile of stuff to remove from my home and a sad absence of usable space when I pooped out before finishing my task. So my urge to throw together a soup from the contents of my cupboard went nowhere when I cataloged all the tasks required before I opened the first tin. I want a clean cozy kitchen. I just don’t want to expend effort to get it. Sigh. I guess my desire to cook like a grownup must be proceeded by the discipline to maintain my possessions like an adult.

I’m also insecure about cooking. I love to read cookbooks but I usually don’t see the general knowledge that I am looking for. I love my America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook, but with all their cool tricks and interesting facts I could not find any information about cooking rice to freeze for later. Maybe there is no trick to it, but I think rice would get mushy if cooked as usually and then frozen in smaller portions for later. I love brown rice, but don’t see me waiting for it to cook after getting home from work late. I love my frozen Trader Joe’s rice, but I eat the whole 2 cups as a main course rather than eat a serving and waste the rest.

There is also no information on cooking a turkey breast in any of my cookbooks. I don’t need to know how to clean, prep and cook a whole bird. I want to know how to get fresh cooked, moist, white meat turkey with zero gizzard contact and minimal carcass. When I ask my sister how to do it she shrugs and says, “You just put it in the oven.” She also just makes up recipes as she goes along. Almost my entire food prep experience is of the mix, heat and serve variety. I think I could count on my fingers the times I made meals from scratch that didn’t include a can of soup or dried mix. I guess I’ve cooked a lot on a grill, but mostly just meat and veggies. I’m too insecure to grill for other people. There are too many over- or under-cooked meals to subject anyone else to my grilling.

I know I have to learn by doing. I’ve seen people work their way through cookbooks online and find it fascinating. I want to learn how to really cook, but I also know that I am undisciplined and need to focus on eating balanced low-fat meals. Plus no sugar, but not sugar substitutes or look-alike foods.

Did I also mention I really want to draw, again? Yep, so far all I’ve done is shop for more supplies. What I really need is the perfect (pen, paintbrush, pencil, pastel, notebook, canvas, paper, journal, or inspirational guide) to make it all come together. It doesn’t matter that in my head my drawings look like nothing I’ve ever done. It doesn’t matter that I’ve got an abundance of supplies already.

Bah. I’m just depressing myself. I don’t want this to turn into yet another post I’ve written and then erased or let languish on a hard-drive. Forgive my pretentious turns of phrase. I got a compliment on my writing today and it went right to my self-conscience head. So, I haven't edited this, please forgive.

I'm not a Trekie, but...

Man I love the new Star Trek movie! It delighted me. I clapped with joy when McCoy showed up bitching about space. Oh crap! I'm not writing a review or anything, but may spoil a bit. Stop reading if you haven't seen it yet!

Okay. Love it. Not going to get into plot points or bad science or anything here. There is plenty 'o that elsewhere. If you have affection for the ST universe, especially the original series, this movie is lovely. I saw the IMAX version at 1pm Friday afternoon. I took a comp day off to balance out some major unpaid overtime I've done this spring. The theater wasn't full, but all the good center seating was full. I think I was the only woman there unaccompanied by a man. There was a full age spread weighted heavily toward men in their 60s. I was also a racially diverse crowd.

When the movie was over I seriously considered buying a ticket to the next showing. (One advantage of being single. I don't often react that strongly. I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog twice in a row when I belatedly watched it. I saw at least one LotR movie twice in the theater, but I can't think of any others. I was so tempted to see it again Friday night but not a fan of very full theaters.

I took Nephew the Third to see it Saturday afternoon. He knew nothing of ST. I gave him some very basic info about the main characters beforehand (i.e., Vulcans have pointed ears, green blood and are stoic). When the first vulcan salute is given he tried to make the V with his fingers. It was so cute. He'd never seen it before and really could not do it. At home he showed sis and she could totally do it, but she said, "Na-nu na-nu." I asked why she could do it so well, she said she practiced and taped her fingers together to learn it. But she honestly thought it was only from Mork and Mindy.

So N3 liked it but was confused by the plot. Which when I tried to answer his questions I realized that I was too if I really thought about it. But who watches ST for the plots? The casting was perfect. Simon Pegg is a lovely Scotty, Bones is my favorite, Kirk was charming. Spock kept freaking me out though. Even with the Vulcan makeup I mostly saw Sylar and evilness. (Run away! RUn away!)

I watched the original series with my dad as a kid. I watched most of ST:TNG. I liked Voyager and loved Enterprise. I had not seen all the movies, but I watched 1-6 recently. I'll probably see ST again in the theater. I just really enjoyed the ride and would love it if more movies were made with this cast.